I really have no idea what all this means.

Really bad dream John and I go to his work at night to meet his friend, Pete and another girl there. We then go to a strip mall with a coffee place and we all took Pete's car to get there. It's pouring rain, yet the place is packed. I feel pretty cool because I finally get to socialize with anyone of John's friends and also I'm out of the house i general. I also feel a little bummed because the rain is so loud that I can barely hear what everyone is saying. Also, they're talking about games and work which I can only speak very little about, so I'm actually a little extra bummed. Again, I am happy that we are just out with friends cuz that's pretty much my favorite thing. Going to get snacks and coffee with people. So I sit there sipping and enjoying my coffee, which is strange because I asked for half coffee, half ramen noodle soup (the good kind, not instant). This is obviously one of the more creepy, dreamlike elements of this dream - of which there seem to have only been a few. I feel glad that the guy actually only put in like a fourth cup of coffee, cuz it just tastes like soup, with a small hint of coffee and it's not bad.

I stop trying to hear John and the others and I'm looking around and checking out the place. There is a very cheap and ugly fountain that poor families are playing near and staring at. Then I see that there is a Tapioca Express and I get pretty excited and point it out to the group. The rain goes from steady to torrential every other minute or so. Then I overhear a word or two, which is all I really catch from time to time, and the girl friend (who I understand has an undefined courtship with Pete) mentions their plan to stay all night in the 24 hour TapEx and play WOW or some other video game. She is not proposing the idea, they have already decided that this is what the group is going to do. If a group decides to "bar-hop" and hasn't personally asked me, I really wouldn't care, after all, I'm just out to have fun. But here the situation is obvious. They play WOW online with headphones and mics just about every night. They play just to play, sometimes to really put time into their guild work, or mostly just to spend virtual time talking with each other. I suddenly feel very betrayed by John, because I either am going to sit and watch (which isn't going to happen, he knows I have little interest in it) or I'm gonna sleep in the Tap Ex while they play (not really an option) or I'm going to stay in the car by myself. I look over at John with my mixed expression of disbelief and some other unexplainable feeing, and he gives me this sly little smile, looks up and whistles as if to joke around like he didn't know what was going on.

I thoroughly fumed and yelled something and then stormed to the parking lot. I felt so bad and ran/walk the whole way. After a while I knew someone was behind me, I took a little glance and saw that it was John but with his jacket draped over my head. He caught up and hugged me from behind. I realize it's not John but some worker from the stores and I think I pushed him away and he left. I'm not sure. Then I kind of just remember waking up on the street part of the parking lot - not in between the cars but pretty much in the main thoroughfare part. The feeling of pure betrayal heightened even more.

I get up - it's almost sunrise or so - and storm into TapEx which is still has a line out the door. I spot familiar faces, more of John's friend's had shown up throughout the night, but I walk by them and have decided that I'm totally fine with all these people witnessing the crazy woman screaming and bawling and destruction that I'm about to lay down.

All I keep doing is crying and yelling to John, 'Did you just leave me to play a video game?' 'How did you not care about me being out there?' 'What the hell are you doing right now? I don't understand anything. Why is this happening?' . . . stuff like that. Although there's another more pitiful question that I kept asking him that I can't remember anymore. We get out of the store and my eyes are glued to his face and how he is responding in the worst way possible. My guess is that he thought I'd be better that he not go talk it out with and just allow me to blow off steam by myself (in the parking lot? all night? in the storm? with no keys to Pete's car even?). He never really answers my questions and I feel like this is exactly how John really would act but then I also equally feel that this is nothing that I'd ever imagine him to do. I can't decide, and the dream is pretty real feeling so I am thoroughly upset here. I wake up to my alarm and still feel all these shitty feelings - even the ghost feeling of my throat achy from the almost guttural screaming and my face plastered with frustrated tears. What upset me the most was that he had no answers for me. He just had an I'm Sorry I Did a Bad Thing look on his face. He tried to calm me down but never explained much. And all I needed was the answer to the question, 'Why?!'

One of the only other random, dream-like thing is that I go into a nearby grocery store with a cart. It's really small place and a lady is stocking bagels and tells me that she needs 2 more minutes and can't move out of my way even though I'd been waiting there for like a minute already. I come out of the store with one fresh bagel in a little bag and find John alone at a side table near another table with a lady eating. I commence another round of my yelling and screaming that is pretty much the same as my other one. I'm starting to look at how this five year, pretty much engaged relationship is falling apart for a stupid reason over an incident of which I have no understanding. In the middle somewhere I had woken up, but decided to sleep more to figure it all out. But, again, no answers.