John's pets are more Mexican than he is

Late last night I was having a snack. I walk to the kitchen, Cody follows ofcourse. And then he trots away all quick like and I follow him, cuz he's usually very interested in what I'm doing in the kitchen, naturally. Turns out he's made a beeline for the cage o' lesbians aka the chinchilla cage, where John's chins live their crazy lives, chewing everything in sight and jumping off the walls - literally.

So I check it out, and then in between the wall and the cage I see a FREAKING RAT TAIL!!! I was so disgusted that there was and for any period of time, has been a mouse and/or rat in the apartment! I felt like gagging and screaming and irking out all at the same time. But I made sure to call John before I thoroughly squirm the hell out. John was in bed, and was like, "man, ok. Lemme get a shirt on at least." So he checks it out and finds a BABY CHINCHILLA!!!!!!!

We had a full three minutes of 'like, uh, WHAT???!!! Shen's a skank, and RZA is actually GZA???!!! "Freakin Mexicans!!!" (For the record, John said it first, not me. I'm simply quoting him.) (Oh, their full names are Shenanigans and Razzmatazz, but like eveyone in our little family, they have like 6 nicknames. Sorry if I've confused you. Speaking of names, we now need 2 new ones.)

Talk about mixed emotions. . . We were just trying to figure it all out, gender-wise. I was super glad that it wasn't a rat. John was going crazy cuz it was so cute, and he's a sucker for little furry things. We had our OMG faces on for a solid 5 minutes. Chinchillas are mostly fur, so when Shen got what is known in certain circles as "a fat ass", we never thought pregnancy, we just thought she was growing or whatever - she's only like 2 and a half. And ofcourse, Petco can't get the sex of a chinchilla wrong right? Psh! Dumb petstore! Anyways, Shen's been acting funny lately, John's been catching her lying on her side in this creepy way. Oh yeah. Uh, side note: I always thought that RZA's clit was a little big. Yes, I've seen it. And yes, I've seen him, uh, do stuff to it himself. I just thought she was a crazy lesbian who sucks her own clit. I think that's what you would've thought of it, right? If you've ever lived with chinchillas you will be amazed at the crazy insane shit they do all the time.

Anyways, so I immediately get online and find out what we're supposed to do. One of the first things I read was that they can have up to 4 kits, which is what baby chins are called. So i was like, uh, we might wanna look around more. John moves the couches, and FINDS ANOTHER BABY CHINCHILLA! Meanwhile, Cody's running around like, 'We got NEWBS'!!!

So we had to babyproof the cage with cardboard because the babies are small enough to squeeze through the bars, which is why we found the babies ouside of the cage. I'm just going to list all the crazy chin facts that I found out, because just like chins themselves, it's all completely loony! But soooo interesting.

*Apparently RZA could try to get Shen preggers again within the next 3 days. It's called breedbacking, and it's very unhealthy for Shen, so John had to run out and get another huge cage (they're the ferret sized cage. Even bigger than some rabbit cages, cuz chins are tree dwellers. From South America.)

*The baby's have no height concept, so we had to take the ramps out so that they don't go leaping to their deaths.

*Last, and gnarliest factoid: Apparently, if one of the baby's are a boy, we have to separate him too, because in 4-6 months he could possibly IMPREGNATE HIS MOM!!!

*Sorry, THIS is the last one. To answer your questions - yes, baby chins are totally adorable, and I know you demand pictures of them. And John's guns. And John's body hair.





John had to go to work late cuz of all this, and so I took over the job of fighting all these little fires. I ran out to get wire and tape so that I could DIY / babyproof the new cage and he also mentioned that we need to verify the genders of the babies soon. (Something that a little place called Petco should've done before selling RZA/GZA to us.) So I'll most definitely post other updates about Shenanigan's further shenanigans as well as the happenings of RZA's jizza. For now, I have to go and Google Image search 'chinchilla genitals' to determine the sex of the baby chins, mostly so that we can name them but more importantly, to further prevent all this chin sin.

Cody: "I can't believe you got her knocked up! First they think you're a girl, and now you guys are gonna have - not one, but two kits?! You can't ask me to keep ALL these secrets. Can I at least give them a hint?. . . Dood, your ass better get a job."